Caregivers and Stereotypes

Life is as complex as we are. Sometimes our vulnerability is our strength, our fear develops our courage, and our woundedness is the road to our integrity. – Rachel Naomi Remen

Mom had a new caregiver for dad at the house this morning. It took her considerable time to message me that this new caregiver had false eyelashes, a red wig, and Betty Boop scrubs that showed a half-naked Boop. I laughed aloud when I got her text. She was wondering what dad’s reaction would be. Dad had been known not to talk as much as usual, but when he did, you never knew what he was going to say. It was usually something without the social- appropriateness filter of the frontal lobe.

Sure enough, dad did not disappoint. He asked the caregiver if her hair was always red. Aha. Not bad. Another example of how he asked things in a roundabout, uncustomary way, but this was not offensive or mean. I am waiting to see what answer he got.

My hat is off to anyone who does caregiving. It is the most difficult job for extraordinarily little pay. This young woman was probably making less than $10 an hour to shower, groom, change, dress, and generally take care of a man she did not even know. How generous of her to do this!! Here, this young lady, with a life of her own (and perhaps a very lively one last night), is making the sacrifice of helping others for little compensation and, I hesitate to say, extremely limited gratitude from the family at times. After all, we are not allowed to give gifts, money, etc. to show thanks to those who have touched our lives or done something so unselfish and giving as to care for our loved ones. Sometimes words of thanks are not enough.

There is a stereotype about caregivers. They are all wounded. They cannot find other jobs and are untrained, so they must resort to caregiving. That they are not the most intelligent people in the job force. I disagree wholeheartedly. Except for the wounded part.

I used to teach junior high school students from a book called Awakening the Heroes Within (Pearson, 1991). I used the book chiefly as a tool to teach preteens and young emotionally challenged teenagers about their strengths and character traits. The book is based on twelve recurring archetypes--a recurring symbol or motif--in literature and art. The archetypes outlined in the book are innocent, orphan, warrior, seeker, lover, caregiver, destroyer, creator, ruler, magician, sage, and fool. The students would take a modified questionnaire and score the results to indicate which three archetypes were most descriptive of themselves based on their responses. We found that many—in fact, almost all--- of the results were enlightening and described the most prevalent traits of the students and their characteristic patterns of behavior.

The caregiver archetype involves the traits of generosity, nurturing, guidance, and sacrifice. It is present in nurses, teachers, mentors, and therapists. The caregiver uses the gifts of self to help people feel valued and cared for. They may be intuitive of the needs of others even when these are unspoken. This intuitiveness may relate to a previous wound or experience in their own lives and the resulting empathy that developed for others in similar situations.

To the caregiver, caring is the highest expression of value. They believe even the disabled, weak and infirm should not be abandoned. Caregivers place value on the act of caring, while society does not. Many of the tasks of the caregiver can be seen as menial and remain unnoticed until they are left undone. Caregivers can be taken for granted, underpaid, and unappreciated. Their skills are not compensated relative to their contribution or effect, but their role is essential to society.

The caregiver must care for themselves first to excel at caring for others. Just as in Maslow’s hierarchy, physical needs must be met first, then emotional, intellectual, and relationship needs can follow. The demands of caregiving are never-ending, and the caregiver must know their own limits and set boundaries. They should not do for others what they can do for themselves and be wary of responding to the needs of others without being asked to do so.

The rewards of caregiving are self-respect and the strength of character that comes from doing what is needed whether it is acknowledged or not. As Carol Pearson states in the book, “At the higher levels . . . their compassion is even stronger than their self-interest” (p. 110). Unfortunately, the traits of the generous, essential caregiver are undetectable on a typical job application.

Source:

Pearson CP. (1991). Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers.